Parents sometimes look to martial arts when a child is being bullied. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu can help a child become more composed and physically capable, but it cannot solve bullying on its own.
Bullying is a group problem. Children need to recognize it, peers need to stop supporting it, and adults need to act. Physical skill matters when a child is being attacked and cannot get away, but most situations should be addressed before they reach that point.
Being bullied does not mean a child failed to act confidently or defend themselves well enough.
Recognize bullying
Canadian public-health guidance describes bullying as harmful behaviour involving an imbalance of power that is repeated or likely to continue. That is different from one disagreement or a rough moment between children.
It can include threats, name-calling, exclusion, rumours, online behaviour, and physical aggression. Grappling cannot solve most of those problems.
A child may think they are joking because everyone else is laughing. That does not mean the other child is enjoying it. Learning to notice that difference is part of growing up in a healthy group.
The group has to respond
A child should not have to prove they can handle bullying alone. Parents, teachers, and coaches need to listen and step in.
The children watching affect what happens too. Laughter, encouragement, and joining in give the behaviour an audience.
A spectator can refuse to participate, include the child being left out, say that something is not okay, or get an adult. No child needs to confront someone or put themselves in danger.
Start by listening
Parents know their child and the situation better than an article can. Start by listening and understanding what happened. What comes next depends on the child, the behaviour, and where it occurred.
Sometimes a child needs reassurance or help deciding what to say. Sometimes the adults at a school, team, or activity need to become involved right away. The child should not have to carry the problem alone.
Before it gets physical
No response works in every situation. When the situation allows, this is the order KIN wants children to work through:
1. Notice what is happening.
2. Use a clear verbal boundary.
3. Leave.
4. Find an adult.
5. Protect yourself physically when you cannot safely leave or get help.
Kindness can sometimes change the relationship. A child who is acting out of insecurity, loneliness, or a desire for attention may respond differently when someone treats them with warmth. Refusing to return cruelty can also keep a conflict from growing. This does not mean accepting harmful behaviour. A child can be kind while setting a boundary, walking away, and asking an adult for help.
Leaving is a good outcome. Telling an adult is too. A child can practise what to say and where to go, but adults still need to make sure the behaviour stops.
Confidence with evidence
BJJ gives children experience with physical pressure before they have to face it somewhere unfamiliar.
Munchkins meet resistance through physical games. Kinjas progress into live grappling when they understand the rules and can train safely. Their partners push, pull, hold, escape, and try to gain control.
We see the change when a child realizes they can stay calm with a fully resisting partner. They are no longer guessing whether they can handle pressure. They have done it.
A frightening situation can still be unpredictable. Training means the pressure is no longer completely unfamiliar.
If a child is attacked
A child should not initiate physical force. Physical self-defence is for the point when someone is attacking, the child cannot safely leave, and adult help is not immediately available.
This is a last resort, not a way to settle a disagreement or answer an insult. At KIN, students learn to protect their head, close the distance, bring a person down, and gain control.
Self-defence is about getting safe, not punishing the other child. If a trained child can hold someone down and call for an adult, there is no reason to use a choke.
Our comparison of karate, taekwondo, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu explains more about how KIN approaches practical self-defence and training against resistance.
In our own room
When something happens at KIN, we address it right away. Everyone in the room helps protect the culture.
A coach asks the child what happened, who was affected, and what they think should happen next. If they do not see the harm or the imbalance, the coach helps them see it and makes clear what needs to change.
Children who train together need to trust one another. Physical skill without care for training partners does not belong in the room. Parents comparing programs can read more about what to look for in a kids’ Jiu Jitsu school.
Part of the answer
Children learn what a healthy group feels like by being part of one. They learn to welcome a new partner, stop when something is wrong, and get a coach when someone needs help. We hope they take those habits with them when they leave the mats.